significant today

it is 2am and it is rather normal that I am still up. I usually sleep around 3 or quarter to three lately. Rigt now, the howling dog from our neighbor is giving me the super creeps.

Filipino myth has it that when dogs go howling in the odd hours of night or early morning, Death is bound to come and take someone’s soul. First thing that crossed my mind though was, “Lord, no earthquakes please”.

It’s creepy hearing the howl. it’s creepier to hear it at exactly 2am on my watch. That snatched my sleepiness a bit.

That is one thing significant before I close my day. the creepy dog made me check on my dad, thought of my mom who is in a convention in Iloilo and my younger brother who is in Isabela and made a mental note to shoot them a text message of good night and love.

the thought of howling and death reminded me of that short moment when a butterfly flew alongside me while I was walking on the sidewalk towards our office. it was white and not quite small. it made my heart feel a little stab of pain because I was trying to take a good picture of these butterflies since I started the new hobby of photography.I have had my share of good shots and frustrations becauss these flutterrers are really hard to keep still and here is one beside me, circling around me and “walking” beside me and I do not even have my weapon with me and I was rushing to go to worl then, also

Filipino myth also has it that butterflies are usually our folks who died some months ago. it didn’t feel that way though. I thought, “Lord, one more time next time I have my camera pleae?”.

The nearness of the butterfly and its whiteness would have been the best shot against the green trees, grass and the pavement. oh well maybe next time.

Today was also a play on words day. I was talking to a friend and we were playing with words on kindness, stupidity and sense. We ended up with a fact:

“…minsan ang sobrang kabaitan ay nagpapakita ng kawalan ng bait”

Translated and what I intend to mean : “too much kindness projects lack of common sense”

The same line has been a bit used over dinner regarding friends who seemed to have been used by some other friends.

this day has given much significant moments and by significant I meant highlight – not exactly exciting but prominent enough for me to have it still retained in my head.

Thankful and thoughtful for this one wave of a variety.of a day, I bid this “night” good night.

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The Ecology of My Workplace

Or should I say it is “The EGO-logy of my Workplace”? We all live in a system As a matter of fact, as per science, we are part of a certain ecosystem. It really is amusing how lately my life’s musing is about how what we learn in grade school is actually helpful later on in life. Bottom of the food chain. The appetizer. We hear of that statement or label usually pertaining to a state or position of being in the lowest  – the one who possesses the weakest position. What’s bigger than the food chain is the food web and all these interactions happen in one ecosystem.

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Lone Crocodile
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now DUCK! is entertaining!

more pics here: Clicks of a Second in a Frame (please like)   These were fun thoughts and amusing ones during grade school. I thought these things would be only happening in the wild….or in my high school project terrarium since I live in a city

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Afternoon cityscape- Makati CBD

where no particular place would come as the perfect illustration and live show except for the National Geographic and the Discovery Channel. Lately though, I realized it’s either I am already  in the wild or in a big terrarium because I am feeling the food web lately. And looking at my surroundings, I slowly find myself agreeing that indeed I am experiencing the Ecology as it was thought by my science teacher. Aside from that, the skeleton of most of my interactions are actually an actuality to what science refers to as the relationship between  organisms in an ecosystem (Thank you, WIkipedia!). There are types of relationship in an ecosystem and it gets more and more interesting as you start to see how your relationship with others falls fit to each of the definition.In every workplace there would be predation and competition; another set would be mutualism,commensalism, amensalism, and parasitism. I work. I am an employee. I have a boss or bosses, who, depending on the mood,can sometimes be practicing one of the oppositional relationships. I am glad though that competition is rare in my workplace – or at least I’d like to think so. Symbiotic relationships are actually more rampant – at least in my workplace. As team players we all are in commensalism – we all benefit from each other and cause no harm. Then changes/pressure can transform this to ammensalism (wanting just to piss anyone just for the sake of pissing anyone) and parasitism – them people who suck your morale to boost theirs. But if you ask me, personal relationships aside, what lingers when everything else falls apart; when survival of the fittest builds the heat, what remains is the competition (which drags all the other symbiotic relationships) and predation. Predation is when we get hounded on and leaves a feeling of being eaten fresh by anyone around. Fresh meat and ego-busted.Competition is when everyone starts stepping up and over each other hoping to not be left at the bottom. The person that stays under gets eaten by the predator and even his competitors. Word!

Broken?

Nope. This entry will definitely not reach the usual five hundred words. I can choose to put this in my other blogs but sometimes some things in our cyber life we have to practice precaution. Any message delivered via the network can produce all kinds of speculation.

It has always amazed me that the person we know as Jesus Christ lived a life that is so controversial because He does break all the ideals of a justice-deliverer.

The pharisees and the normal men seem to always have had this barrier of who is filthy and who is not. And Christ’s stories and parables would always shame the proud onlookers and embrace the unproud with healing and hope.

Them who have had access to His words seemed to have take it to a legalistic application while those who seldom did and mostly just listened seem to be more convicted of their sins and are repentant.

It has been a confirmation and affirmation to me lately – that no matter how much you know, you cannot be boastful about it, hence,  let pride seep in to your veins.  Another affirmation is that even though one person may not have had the longest time spent reading the word time will come when they will be arrested by the story of the cross, see themselves, grab the grace and have far better progress as a Christian than that of those who declare themselves knowledgeable.  But you cannot excuse yourself from not knowing or getting the chance to know. If you are living in a free country it is one opportunity God gave you to be in tune with Him.

Pharisee or bystander, the Lord knows only and cares only not of what we know – but what we are willingly, with our hearts want to be changed and what else he would teach us.
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Psalms 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

http://goo.gl/eC41I

I don’t think He is pertaining to those who were romantically brokenhearted.

Quoted image came from Brokenness: The Heart That God Revives by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

At the end of the day….

I am tired and I still am not close to absolutely done. I came home late last night. I was trying to trace a production issue – it with small favors on the side. Then I had to wake up for work next day. I woke up with dry eyes. It stung. I did not bother to pu in eye drops simply because I know it was because of my strain. I keep staring at my monitor trying to tie up posting accounts. My eyes were tired. Add to that the fact that I have a silly bad state of colds. The doctor said it’s allergic rhinitis. My nose was and still is stuffy. My eyes were dry. I dragged myself off my bed to prepare for work.

The sun was up nicely. It has been a cool breezy weather lately and the morning warmth of the sun is very much appreciated. I hailed a tricycle going to the corner of our street. Our street gets a little clogged in the morning. Most private vehicles try to elude the main roads’ heavy rush traffic and most of then decides to take the inner roads. My trike was following a jeepney witha bad belch. The trike driver was trying to overtake the jeep. To do that, he needs to turn the trike a bit so he can check for incoming vehicles. He never got to overtakw the jeepney. He was, , however, able to suffocate me because when he turns a bit, the stupid belcher of a jeep’s muffler becomes directly pointed at the “door” and straight to a passenger like me. The thick muffler produce was even black. It was nasty to my stuffy nose. But I guess that was that time nature’s way to desensitize me.

The smoke incident was not the last. When I got to riding the jeepney, we were following another belcher. It was a great start for my stuffy nose to get well. You think?

So I came In to the office, line up for thr elevator, got out on my floor and grabbed my laptop from our locker. Setup my laptop. Then friends decided we would eat breakfast.

Breakfast conversation was light, easy and funny. I enjoyed my pork spring rolls. It was during that time that we decided we want to eat lunch somewhere else. Light talk some more and finding out the age of one of our boss friend gave us something to laugh about. It extended until lunch time.

We went to the newly relocated Buffalo Wings N’ Things. Ordered their other line’s best seller added a set of chicken wings and ee got free nachos and we were eating so happily. We had to go back for the boss meeting.

From the time I settled my butt on my chair, I was not able to do anything else. I was so absorbed, lost and feeling inadequate. My laptop’s running slow, most people I need for what I’m working on has some of their share of busyness. Some had connection issues and I had a client thst is rushing me into the paper, and notes.

I have never thought that there is actually a chance of considering resigning because of this issue and build release that I have. Every email made me feel like I will have a cardia arrest. I

I am very tired. I stood up and loked at the heads of my busy office mates and wondered if they are feeling like I am feeling.

My day is so much a throat-constricting work. Going home, though me and my office mate saw one building throwing off fireworks. She puled over so we can get better view. So I guess at the end of the day, life is not all about war.

Creation Day 6: Man and Beasts(land animals)

I intend to step away a bit from the drama and feed my thoughts with other healthy things. Reading the Bible has not been admittedly on the very top of my list of to-do’s lately. And admittedly, also, I feel the dryness. Any growing Christian knows what I meant by that.  I have not been very respectful of ny own spiritual feeding. But each time I take on it, I always take a spoonful of encouragement,  unlearning,  re-learning and this  – discovery and trivia. 

If this was relayed even during grade school religion classes, it must be one of the most uninteresting and overly familiar stories – basic. But it is now quite an interest now that it clears some stories I thought we all knew so well.

This is an interesting trivia for me. They were created together in the same day- man and land animals. They did not quite emphasize this during Sunday School or I was just not listening.  So Eve and Adam was created in the same batch as the dinosaurs and the orangutans. No wonder our puny, non- God thoughts keep on connecting the animals and humans.

Gen 1:26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

http://goo.gl/eC41
Gen 2:19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.

http://goo.gl/eC41I

In summary of the timeline of creation is this:

Day 1: day and night
Day 2 : sky : the atmosphere
Day 3 : vegetation, plants and trees
Day 4: sun and moon
Day 5: birds and fishes and sea creatures
Day 6: livestock and wild animals and human beings
Day 7: rest

Ah! The beauty of re-making the stage play in my head and ironing out few pieces. I am just at the beginning of my reading journey.

Having known this, surely gave spice and added up fire in my interest to read more.  I do not plan to be overly spiritual – this will be the works of the Holy Spirit. I only plan not to deprive my spirit of its share of its local delight – a spiritual  food.

I wonder what else I can learn. I have lots of minute musings. I hope to find interest and sustain it, if not nourish it, in reading the Word. Hopefully  I can share it too.

I planned to revisit Genesis again just because my nature travels pulled me to review the wonder of His creativity. I found myself fascinated by all the creatures of the sea. The underwater world is quite another earth on earth.  It is just so beautiful.  The land and the formations, the sunsets and the sunrise – they all echo the story. And quite indeed – they echo the glory of their Maker.

What is the Matter?

Some things in life I learned in grade school science. Lately I have been pondering on the relevance of the states of the matter. The reason behind is when I start looking at how relationships, particularly in friendship, start, take peak and some die eventually. The anatomy and post-mortem of a fall out is essentially Science-based.

SOLID. Platonic pheromones, vibes, interests and hobbies seem to solidly bond people together. The adhesion is super tight and no matter how much you try to fit it in a different container of situation, it takes its own shape. Friends seem to have that tight bond that cannot be cracked.

LIQUID. Add a little heat of discovering differences and setting foot of principles, the bond weakens. Loose bonding tried by all types of weather and wear and tear, people melt.

GAS. Every element has their boiling point. While some stays in liquid and boiling state, others GAS out. Some bonds are finally meant to come to an end and some sticky bonding needs to ne unstuck.

Fall outs. GAS is never the ending phase, though. The processes in between are all essential. Pounding or grounding any solid thing makes it easier to liquify. Swirl a liquid in a heated pan makes it easier to vaporize it.

Add a little heat to vaporize. But the same method can reverss effects. But that would be an entirety different article. I will take the moment to savour the straight fall out method via the states of the matter.

Phase and methods are sometimes tolerable and we grow a little backbone facing up with the inevitable cycle. But a lot of times there are relationships we try as much as possible to keep in tact weathering the storm. Some exposure leaves the bond stronger others so hard it becomes brittle.

Later on, we will get questions in our heads we can never utter even rhetorically for fear to be the catalyst of the impending parting. We are afraid to ignite or fan the smoke. We then decide it has come to an end. Some things were not really made to last forever. Some things are meant to be re-molded to something new. It may not be entirely pleasant but eventually it will be.

Sometimes we just have to gently lay down whatever we try to not to slip through our fingertips and watch it go gas. The steam willl hurt. Steam burns are the nastiest burns there is.

I think I just got steamed.

It will leave a keloidal mark. It will sharpen the only thing that will be left solid – my respect for my self. It will be a source of lesson dug from childhood – not in the play ground and, why, quite surprisingly, in the four corners of the classroom.

I just got burned.

The scar will join the other scars to form a beauty mark. A beautiful reminder of at least once in each cycle we were at least solid.

Thankful. Thoughtful. Learned.

What is the matter? It was just anyhing that has mass and itnoccupied space. Now leaves the lovely damn space with scars

And the day ends

Sleeping last night with only one thing in mind: to wake up early and leave early for work. It has been hard to wake up and move since last year’s long vacation. The long distance from my house to my workplace seems a good excuse. But the thing is, the ride going to my work takes just around thirty minutes using public transportation.

The routine starts the moment the alarm clock sounds off. And then it will sound off again some minutes after I presssed on snooze because I drifted off to sleep again. After that the five-minutes-more begging starts until I realize I cannot go back to the same dream land I was in few begging minutes ago.

I jumped off the bed and opened my cabinet for anything sensible to wear. – something that can still fit me after the holiday feasting. Bathed. Went down to boil water for first serving of coffee. I got stuck watching something on tv. It fascinated me as it involved a bit of apocalyptic theme.

Sipped on my coffee trying to enjoy it. But it was too hot so I popped in three ice cubes and relaxed while watching TV and waiting for nature’s call. And then it did. Satisfied, I left home towards work.

Rode a tricycle, directed a cab to where I wanted to take the bus to work. SUPPOSEDLY the pickup point is for buses who take the faster and lesser traffic route. But I guess the bus tragedy up that high way drove the bus operators to no longer use it. The billboards that I see in full from up the skyway I start viewing from below. And most of what I saw were trusses.

I Took the jeepney from the market. Got off one block from my building. Got into an elevator where I took good note of my officemates high-heeled shoes which made her walk slower and her stride shorter.

Set up my laptop and got stuck resolving production issues. The next thing I knew, I was writing a status about the issue, collecting my stuff, grouping in with the pal who is my ride going back.

I appreciate the small breaks away from the keyboard and the mouse. But this is my every day life. Writing jt down makes it seem like nada.

Sniffing up my running cold. I am now waiting for a friend’s hubby to come pick up the laptop she will be using to work from home. She is sick currently but I cannot face the issues on my own.

I actually found a good hangout in this convenience store in the corner of my street. I have seen a variety of people walk in, walk out, met up with a friend, passed by, stopped to get on their next ride. Maybe if I can entertain my thoughts I can write a story about each one and wonder how they started their day and what are their thoughts now that the day is ending in preparation for another cycle of tomorrow.

Round and Round Goes the Wheel

So while everyone gets awe-stricken by the ring around the moon I myself am getting awestruck with the unknown pain circling my heart.

While most people goes out excitedly and immediately looks up with oohs and aahhs, I go out slowly to feel the cold breeze of January 2014 hoping to normalize the cold I feel inside.

I felt a dying portion of myself slowly breathing its last. Every heart beats and thumps through the rhythm of seasons and though we know it is inevitable and it will always come, goodbyes are a regular cycle in every growing being.

Goodbyes or good vibes? Maybe too much of something good wears out the vibes too early and sometimes the fastest things seem to grow in the outside, the slower it gets deeper to take on roots down under.

Everything dies a natural death and so I give myself the liberty to shed off glorious leaves when they finally do not want to hold on. Clinging on to something that is no longer connected to even a single string of your being would only be a self torture. It would be like holdig on to a green leaf that fell and watching it turn brown and crispy dry before your very eyes.

Autumn. The season of losing leaves in preparation for the coldest season. Was it really a preparation or was it a surrender to waste away and welcome spring anew?

Poetic. You can be that when a day in your season is spent either fighting off feeling better or struggling between entertaining your emotions and knittig them into words hoping to hit it right on the eye of the bull. Except that the words cannot entirely describe every pricking needle that jolts your intuition, alerts your system and calls your defensive wall on guard.

Rant. This is when you start yapping with the virtual voices in your head hoping to contain one silly bit of sense with all the collected words that seem fit.

Tap. Can be something that would be nice to be felt right this very moment. A soft tap on the shoulder to get you to look behind you and realize there is at least one who would dare climb your wall in hope to break your thoughts of self-destruction. TAP can also be the most comfortable thing to do when you have a smart phone with qwerty keyboard and allow you to type in more than five hundred words of your wrinkled thoughts and throw it to the cyber universe as though ashes from the urn and imagining each hopeful particle of your self can be somewhere it want to be and stay finally satisfied.

Save. Me. Save me is the heartctry of one who cannot seem to find itself in the mess and maze created by ones own.

Blink. Once. Twice. Let the third one linger longer seconds on before opening your eyes. Realize that in the blur of things, when we try to blink to refocus, everything becomes clearer.

Walk away. Get a better vantage view of life. Holding on to something that is no longer connected in your singlest tiniest vein is like watching a coccoon and waiting for the butterfly to come out when in fact, it already is – out and gone. Go find a caterpillar and watch it grow.

Repeat.

The Travel Back Home

And so we cannot stay longer in my grandmother’s house as we have work tomorrow morning. We loaded up the UV and started out with our journey going home to the city. The usual nine-hour ride turned out to be twelve-hours. More or less it was plus four hours to our ride the previous nigt going there.

Saying goodbye was sad – brief but admittedly sad. Our auntie and grandmom wanted us to stay for lunch but we just cannot as we have schedule to beat. The six-year-old boy with us still have school, my sister-in-law needs to go to work tomorrow in the school, my two brothers have work, I have work and my dad has a flight to catch in few hours from now.

I mused a minute about the plans for who will be with my grandmother until her sisters arrive. My auntie wjo went with us there should be on a bus by now going home as well. My uncle and his wife arrived there around 3am this morning. I have no idea who will be going there next.

Anyway when we drove away from the house and waving goodbye at everyone, and moved to that one place where we can buy few goodies we can take to our officemates.

That province though we seldom go to now, gave me growig up memories that if I can try to go back to its warmth I would. But things do change. We all grow up and we all get on with our lives. Even though that seems true, I always find it heartwarming to always get that natural high and excitement in seeing old friends. We happen to see two friends close to our families before we left. They used to live within the compound of my grandmother. They used to be our initial playmates everytime we are there. Seeing them just gives a wave of nostalgia. They knew also my grandpa who passed away. We just didn’t get to see each other earlier when we we were there because they had to attend to some things.

After buying our goodies and a little catch up and more laughing at how my younger brother will be getting married even before I will be settling down and how fat I have evolved from way back since we last saw each other, we went on our way.

The ride was not too hot. Traffic was not so heavy until we got to the place where there were road constructions. We tried to avoid it but I think sometimes not everyone who seems local knows the alternate routes. Sometimes it is true with or lives as well. We get used to the familiar and explore less and lesser options as time goes by – as situations start to grow on us. Everytime we asked for alternate routes, no one knew. My dad would not want us to take other routes than straight ahead even though there were road signs. It is very seldom for the experienced and the wise to deviate from old school methods. We were not able to explore new routes. But I did get another wave of nostalgia as the same route we took going home was the same route I was in few weeks back before Christmas vacation to catch some waves on a surf board with some of my friends from the office.

There is so much to write about the ride but I don’t think I would want to take too long in writing down everyrhing. So this or pretty much sums up most of it.

An Un-likeable Gathering

Back during my sentimental days in college, I come to muse on which occassion I will be able to combine my college friends, high school friends, church friends from a place we used to live and church friends from current place we are living. After listing down, all known occassions and celebration, I came up with just two possible time I can combine my various groups under one roof – one to celebrate that one glorious once in a lifetime fairytale experience of getting wed and the the other time is when they can finally give me their last respects. THAT is, if there is any left at all. When you think about it both occassions are actually just one. Wedding is when I willl meet my earthly husband (which is still missing by the way) and the other is a spirtual representation of a wedding. I will not divulge much on that one as I plan to have that, if I will still remember, tackled in another set of entry.

Anyway, that settled, I am now in a mournful “celebration” of the passing away of my grandfather. He is the brother of my direct grandmother. We drove 9 hours north to our ancestral house where he lives and where his remains lay and will lay for a time until his burial.

There is not much grieving .. yet. And I know once his sisters arrive, that will be the time the aura will change. This not my idea of a reunion. But it will happen as one. Don’t get me wrong. We are not the type of family who cries a lot during timss like these. We are, matter of fact, the happiest ones I know. Everytime there will be reunions, it will always top the previous gathering. It is just that we are now having this reunion minus one of our loved ones. I am still fighting off the “had I known, I should have” feeling. Had I known he will be breathing his last super soon, I would have at least dropped by to give one last hug when I had the chance during the holidays.

But I guess we will never really know when that would come hence we should consider each moment spent as though it is the best before the last. It is hard to entirely mourn when you are assessing yourself if you are sad of the passing away or sad that you didn’t get the chance to say anything at all or if you are not really sad at all.

For the whole day today that we spent mostly taking on a chance to help my grandmom with what other errands we can help her with, I just learned some Filipino beliefs and myths that I did not get to really be oriented about growing up when it comes to funerals. It became an interesting event because of that.

I might not be able to stay longer to see my grandfather’s sisters come in to pay their last respects. I know that time the un-likeable gathering will be full on. The mood will be swinging from joyous recap of his life to heartfelt thanks to God for allowing him to be part of our lives.