Back during my sentimental days in college, I come to muse on which occassion I will be able to combine my college friends, high school friends, church friends from a place we used to live and church friends from current place we are living. After listing down, all known occassions and celebration, I came up with just two possible time I can combine my various groups under one roof – one to celebrate that one glorious once in a lifetime fairytale experience of getting wed and the the other time is when they can finally give me their last respects. THAT is, if there is any left at all. When you think about it both occassions are actually just one. Wedding is when I willl meet my earthly husband (which is still missing by the way) and the other is a spirtual representation of a wedding. I will not divulge much on that one as I plan to have that, if I will still remember, tackled in another set of entry.
Anyway, that settled, I am now in a mournful “celebration” of the passing away of my grandfather. He is the brother of my direct grandmother. We drove 9 hours north to our ancestral house where he lives and where his remains lay and will lay for a time until his burial.
There is not much grieving .. yet. And I know once his sisters arrive, that will be the time the aura will change. This not my idea of a reunion. But it will happen as one. Don’t get me wrong. We are not the type of family who cries a lot during timss like these. We are, matter of fact, the happiest ones I know. Everytime there will be reunions, it will always top the previous gathering. It is just that we are now having this reunion minus one of our loved ones. I am still fighting off the “had I known, I should have” feeling. Had I known he will be breathing his last super soon, I would have at least dropped by to give one last hug when I had the chance during the holidays.
But I guess we will never really know when that would come hence we should consider each moment spent as though it is the best before the last. It is hard to entirely mourn when you are assessing yourself if you are sad of the passing away or sad that you didn’t get the chance to say anything at all or if you are not really sad at all.
For the whole day today that we spent mostly taking on a chance to help my grandmom with what other errands we can help her with, I just learned some Filipino beliefs and myths that I did not get to really be oriented about growing up when it comes to funerals. It became an interesting event because of that.
I might not be able to stay longer to see my grandfather’s sisters come in to pay their last respects. I know that time the un-likeable gathering will be full on. The mood will be swinging from joyous recap of his life to heartfelt thanks to God for allowing him to be part of our lives.