Round and Round Goes the Wheel

So while everyone gets awe-stricken by the ring around the moon I myself am getting awestruck with the unknown pain circling my heart.

While most people goes out excitedly and immediately looks up with oohs and aahhs, I go out slowly to feel the cold breeze of January 2014 hoping to normalize the cold I feel inside.

I felt a dying portion of myself slowly breathing its last. Every heart beats and thumps through the rhythm of seasons and though we know it is inevitable and it will always come, goodbyes are a regular cycle in every growing being.

Goodbyes or good vibes? Maybe too much of something good wears out the vibes too early and sometimes the fastest things seem to grow in the outside, the slower it gets deeper to take on roots down under.

Everything dies a natural death and so I give myself the liberty to shed off glorious leaves when they finally do not want to hold on. Clinging on to something that is no longer connected to even a single string of your being would only be a self torture. It would be like holdig on to a green leaf that fell and watching it turn brown and crispy dry before your very eyes.

Autumn. The season of losing leaves in preparation for the coldest season. Was it really a preparation or was it a surrender to waste away and welcome spring anew?

Poetic. You can be that when a day in your season is spent either fighting off feeling better or struggling between entertaining your emotions and knittig them into words hoping to hit it right on the eye of the bull. Except that the words cannot entirely describe every pricking needle that jolts your intuition, alerts your system and calls your defensive wall on guard.

Rant. This is when you start yapping with the virtual voices in your head hoping to contain one silly bit of sense with all the collected words that seem fit.

Tap. Can be something that would be nice to be felt right this very moment. A soft tap on the shoulder to get you to look behind you and realize there is at least one who would dare climb your wall in hope to break your thoughts of self-destruction. TAP can also be the most comfortable thing to do when you have a smart phone with qwerty keyboard and allow you to type in more than five hundred words of your wrinkled thoughts and throw it to the cyber universe as though ashes from the urn and imagining each hopeful particle of your self can be somewhere it want to be and stay finally satisfied.

Save. Me. Save me is the heartctry of one who cannot seem to find itself in the mess and maze created by ones own.

Blink. Once. Twice. Let the third one linger longer seconds on before opening your eyes. Realize that in the blur of things, when we try to blink to refocus, everything becomes clearer.

Walk away. Get a better vantage view of life. Holding on to something that is no longer connected in your singlest tiniest vein is like watching a coccoon and waiting for the butterfly to come out when in fact, it already is – out and gone. Go find a caterpillar and watch it grow.

Repeat.

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2 thoughts on “Round and Round Goes the Wheel

  1. I feel like this post is about letting go, and moving on. I read it a couple of times and reckoned that these words needed to be written, chewed, swallowed, digested, and expelled. Hopefully, I’m not too far off. If it touched me, I suspect it also touched you, but in a more visceral way than I. That’s the wonderful healing thing about writing. It’s healthy to write. There’s most always something very personal about it. More than a band aid, less than a scab!

    1. You are right. It is about letting go or the pain of knowing you are in the position to feel the need to. Normally in less heavier cases, scenarios pan out smoothly but there are times when some things seem to have dug out deeper roots, it is hard to even imagine the possibility of uprooting.

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