Read Up Project 1: Looking for Alaska

20140227_010314So finally I have read one book for this year’s project! Yey. I have no exact number in mind of books to read I just have to read more than I read last year (if I really even finished up on one). The reason behind is that I know reading does give you a lot of learning. It also gives you a different sense of experience but not entirely moving your butt off your chair or spending a dime to get out of the house in search for an adventure.I think it’s a good investment too.

This I my second book by John Green and I say I like the way he revolves his stories around most characters that normally, we would depict as boring, sorry and nothing ordinary. His books are no fairy tale and it’s none too common also. But what makes it interesting is how he makes a story out of a nerd (here) and out of the lives of cancer patients (The Fault in Our Stars).

This one is a true honest (and a little conservative, I think still) at showing how college is  – pranks, separation from parents, surviving the social expectations, being bullied, struggling with grades while having fun, violating the rules and suffering the consequences once caught. What’s remarkable is the bond of friendship; the central focus on life, our questions and our journey; camaraderie, forgiveness and existence. John Green painted his opinion on life in the life of four or five different characters each one uniquely touched each others’ but mainly by the character of Alaska.

How do we get out of this labyrinth?

In search for my great perhaps…

These are just two of the striking lines in the book that had me questioning myself with HOW DO WE GET OUT OF THIS LABYRINTH?

The latter just an encouragement and justification as to why I’ve always wanted to travel and connect with people outside my familial bonds.

Partly I agree with the last part. I do not want this labyrinth to end Straight and Fast.I’m not in a rush. I want to enjoy the labyrinth as it was meant to be and go collect experiences of all the great perhaps that I will be deciding to take on.

I liked their friendship. Kind of made me think of  “if I die in an accident, would my friends start wanting to know why?” or “if I do it on purpose, would they care to seek for what’s going on in my head?”

Everything that comes together falls apart.

Striking thought. Horrific to some extent and maybe morbid if you’re thinking of death. But for me it was just factual. We will all fall apart some time and some day and the cycle continues. We fall apart and find ourselves back together again.

I believe, though that in this cycle of coming together and falling apart, at some point God is waiting for us to finally agree with Him on our need for Him so that from then on, our coming together is for our breaking of character and our falling apart becomes the test and rebuilding of our character – until such time that we have found ourselves ending our labyrinth back to the paradise we once lost – shared with Him.

Damn if you Do,…

Damn if you Do,
Damn if you don’t

if your silence means yes
then it hurts you’d believe me less
if your silence means no
it hurts just as so
if you cannot express what you claim your
heart and thought says
you probably know the truth is a waste
and the lie has greater weight.

..in the crevices of my own twisted brain
2/23/2014

an expression of disbelief

out of space out of time.

out of space out of time.
out of space out of time.
out of space out of time.
out of space out of time.
out of time.
out of time.
out of time.
. . .This line ” out of space out of time” was from the book by Michael Connelly. it was a quote from Edgar Allan Poe’s work.

In Connelly’s book it was used as a suicide note by an investigator whose assignment became too much for him.

Currently I am investigating a bloody UAT issue. and as the clock tick I I feel I AM running out of time.

my head is getting clogged with all the mix of paranoia, negative thoughts, encouraging words, life’s-not-all-work stuff and it IS running out of space.

The two suicides in Connelly’s book used their own weapons totake their lives. The only thing I am far from relating to the character is taking the mouse I am using, placing it inside my mouth and shooting inside my mouth with it.

Gory? and yes, untrue. but it’s definitely inside my head – the thoughts I meant.. not the mouse.

Hahahahaha.

Morsels of Learning

“Ate alam mo naman, ang kasinungalingan at chismis kapag paulit ulit mong naririnig, tinatanggap at pinapasa, nagiging parang totoo.”

That is one fact one of our youths who I mentor every once in a while said to me one Sunday afternoon while we were catching up on what is in and around our church, our ministry, our fellowship outside the church and our relationships with our families.

Learning about her story and the things God taught her from since I guiltily felt she is not progressing or not wanting to, has been very humbling. Unto the broken, God ministers Himself in ways the Pharisee in us will not be able to. That is one thing I learned with that sunday afternoon talk. His grace breaks through the barrier of “shoulds” in a Pharisee’s mind and holds the heart of the broken-hearted. The pharisee in us will break that heart even more but God holds it and heals it.

The cycle of the broken only God understands – only Paul is able to put into words (paraphrased) :

The good I want to do I cannot do. I am in constant battle with myself.

I have been away mostly from church interactions lately. God has been gracious to show me His presence, majesty and creativity through my travels with my friends. And constant interest in knowing what and how my friends think has been His blessing as well. The clash of belief, upbringing, established philosophies in life differences are not one bloody nor heart-tearing but they were educational.

in just a few sample of the population this whole earth holds, it is a very veey wonderful knowledge that God loves and understands all of us and would listen to all of us and delight in all of us. His love portrayed on the cross helps me try to think differently at how I should be dealing with them. I am not one compassionate person when it comes to salvation, grace, love, repentance and forgiveness. I am very quick to shake my head at a misdeed that I know no claiming Christian should be doing.

The fine line that separates a Christian and non-Christian has blurred out even long before my talk with my disciple. it was confirmed blurred out that Sunday after with her and one bad conversation night with a non-Christian friend.

I can pinpoint a lot of lies the Pharisees, the mere spectators, the weak, the poor, the rich and proud, the learned and the unschooled, and the Christians believed and believes in and see myself among one of them in moments of my own weakness.

While my heart breaks and I scratch my head as to how I can lead people to Christ more without making them feel judged. God led me to recall the scenario He has been placing in my head since last year:

With the crowd jeering at him.
The crowd was a mixture of mere spectators.
Sadly some of them were his friends.

Blood dripping from the thorn on his head,
he looks at the crowd,

“Forgive them Father For they do not know what they are doing.”

and I think thats true. a lot of times because we are in the fallen world we are played for by our own weakness in wanting to have a command of our own actions when matter of fact we do not know. we are moving in i the strings of lies first weaved on by that serpent on the tree.

Even our free will was corrupted.

Knowing this, actually softens my hard-headed what should be. None of us can actually perfect our steps on our own we are, will be and will forever be dependent on His grace lest none of us should boast.

SO I shall continue in small steps to point everyone to the man on the cross – whose death should have been ours but in his great love, He gave us another stab at practicing our free will – to choose rightly, and understand and experience His love.

Reverence

“I want to live where the face of God shines everyday” – A.W. Tozer

I was trying to look for another reading material for just a shot at maybe being able to catch the sand from the sandman. From where I was sitting I can see my stash of books and found one color that caught my attention . Of course, it is blue! I pulled it out from under five more books or so and wiped the few dusts builsdup on its sides. It was one of the books I got from my monthly impulse buying.

The book had an interesting title and it did get me wondering about the attributes of the God the author knows and maybe compare it with what I understand about the attributes of God.

I opened the book from where i left a post it strip as a book mark months ago. it was opened jn the introduction page. Tozer had a strong introduction about the book that my breath became shorter and my brain cells started to actively evaluate whether the author is taking things too seriously or am I not taking things seriously when I should. He was so particular about the decline of proper addressing and recognition of God and how it, in his words, made Christianity lose its dignity. Few more flips of the pages and I was finally onto cbapter 1. Deciding that the book is a heavy read for an ungodly hour, I decided to close it and set it aside for now.

The particular quote above caught my attention before I finished the introduction. I found my heart agreeing that it is so that I want as well. Remembering the strong words used by the author about the current generation’s expression of worship, made me think twice if Tozer and I had the same understanding of his quote.

For me, I know one place where I know God’s face is aglow and I feel it and it is definitely not in the city but in the places where I nature travel. Going back to nature always always always make me feel that God is so close .

I think though that Tozer was pertaining to a certain elevation as a place. Reverence. Respect. I think Tozer wa pinpointing that we are giving God less of what He really deserves as GOD.

The Word, “Confirmed”

Happening: Meeting
Venue : Training room

The year 2013 is a wonderful year. By wonderful I meant it left me in awesome WONDER both in things that took my breath away because of my travels and the news from bonding moments that, well, took away  my breath as well. It was breathtakingly wonderfully awesome. And for some reason the year 2013 has been the year when the media and society embraced (and yes some still raised their brows i know i know) those who are coming out. It’s no doubt that this will ripple and spill over the next years to come. Between me and my friends spotting out who IS and who is not is already part of the everyday conversation under Entertainment for daily events.

“Confirmed”!.

That was one word that snapped me out of my busy day dreaming (my brain is in Monday ADHD Mode) while we were in a meeting. The word got me back to reality and I am trying hard to dig into my subconscious to get back in line with what we were talking about in the meeting.

The word confirmed has been connected to my brain to instance/s when one suspected gay was “confirmed” to be, well, gay. So i was trying to catch up on who was confirmed this time and then I realized they were talking about a different issue that is work-related and not exactly pertaining to anyone.

This monday ADHD!

keyword: although

this entry was first posted in this page: http://bible.com/n/1Iq8m

this can be cross-referenced with james 2:19. I think by now any civilization have heard of God and stories of His Son. Most have perfected obedience to keeping the Sabbath (at whichever day in the week they think it’s best to place Sabbath) holy and the rest of the week otherwise. And that is exactly a flat out painful truth : we know someone from down the street in the neighbor and not entirely care as long as their principles dont clash or coincide with ours. WE know God and yet not exactly give the proper attention, reverence and respect fitting for a god. What’s even more bothersome is that in James 2:19, the devil believes there is a God and they tremble… but we civilized and intellectual physical beings know there is a God but we neither tremble nor give honor.

Flat out truth.