heart matter: be purposeful

“Gratitude for God’s loving pursuit will always lead us to pursue others— even when they don’t want to be pursued. Thankfulness for Christ’s willingness to enter our messy world will make us willing to enter someone else’s.” (Relationships : A Mess Worth Making)

I am in a great big tornado of emotional battle between my ego and my conscience.

i am at the pull AND PULL stage between self-preservation and servanthood.

I AM CLEARLY IN CHECK.

It is that time when God speaks to you through reads like “relationships: a mess worth making” and you always find yourself getting blessed and at the same time disciplined.

I am a thirty plus year old woman with such a fascination about friendships and i do find myself a lot of times engrossed in some of my close relations that it gets difficult to detach sometimes. i have an immense sensitivity on warmth changes within my relationships. Some hurt; some breezed by and i do pray that all would just drift by. A lot of times I feel i have been one-upped – like ive been taken for a fool or something that I wish I could have said the last hurtful words.

In the silent recesses of my own damaged relational physique i asked God to teach me His way of friendship. I understood John 15:13. It was a verse me and my church friends held on to – both as affection that we will be backing each other up and a reminder as well that we have that One friend who laid down His life for us. Seems ideal.

But God’s love was not enclosed only in the boundaries of but one spiritual community.The thought brings me back to 12 chapters back : John 3:16.

His love is so humanly undoable. His capacity to tolerate our mess is simply amazing.  Aside from dreaming, God has been impressing on me this : be purposeful in friendship… be purposeful in pursuing relationships.For an introvert such as I, this requires much of a comfort zone thinner.

I am not a friendless person. Matter of fact I am the type of person who can easily get along with anyone effortlessly but I do have pet peeves that i am discovering lately. And in just the opposite ideal situation I effortlessly can push people away without a word.  I have an affinity measure with a capacity of only few close friends I can totally feel comfortable with. When i know and feel a close friend shift gears i feel betrayal or neglect.

I can smell  autumn long before summer ends.

and for some reason, I got to go back to Christ’s 12. In his days, he hung out with people and sometimes with the “wrong crowd” but He has the twelve whom He stuck close to. Each has their own motives re aligned, some thought they never would betray him but they did. Yet He stood by them even though these things He was able to smell ten thousands of summers ago. Before the ultimate betrayal that he knew would come and should He knew His disciples do not hundred percent understood. His ways are odd and His words are devastingly dramatic

But His love is greatly unimaginable. i reviewed the scenario of before the betrayal. i wanted to know if he felt what i felt. I was enlightened slash overwhelmed with my mouth gaping open.  in this scenario…

Jesus washed even the feet of Judas.

I can think of a lot of things to do to my own Judases.. or Peter…. but the thought of washing their feet is a back burner. But evidently, God’s grace … and His term of love… PURSUES, TOLERATES, ACCEPTS..

…it is patient..

and lastly it STAYS quietly and lets humanity take its course.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

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In 2015 : Dream….

Outro to 2014, I think I’ve been encouraged to imagine. I need to stimulate my imagination of the better things God has in store for me. It is one learning i got from the book : “Relationships : A Mess Worth Making”

And the intro to going back to my Bible plans talks about daydreaming. I guess I’ve been lazy and discouraged enough like any other human cycle for drama before that I settled for whatever comes. Although easy acceptance and settling seems to be peaceful I guess it deteriorates the potential for JOY IN THE MOMENT.

Peace and joy together with love should be working in harmony. I should be day dreaming and stimulating hope. If my peace paralyzes me from enjoying what God has prepared for me for the day (which is not entirely for me but for everyone I interact with also), I break-even the power of the Holy Spirit in me. By break-even I mean I hinder the Holy Spirit to work fully in me.

If I do believe that the God I hold on to has a plan for me, indeed, then from where I stand (or sit as I type) I should be excited to confide with Him what I see – whether dark, glum or perfectly wonderful. And I should also be holding on to the fact that those darb and dark areas I see, He has already redeemed. And from that standpoint I should be day dreaming of what’s beyond.

The book is actually an encourager to invest on my relationship FIRST with God. The Lord of all love that encompasses any types of horizontal relationships encourages me to trust in Him. To entrust my daydreams and dreams with Him. Including the nightmares that go in the night dreams.

My God who understands human seasons also promises to be bringing in something new EVERY SINGLE day – new year or not. As the book compared the healthy day dreaming like this:

   “If you have a vision for decorating your house, you buy decorating magazines                                                                    and pore over them until you get the idea of what you want to do.”

In the same way, God pictures my life full and victorious, I know He has something in store for me beyond any possible mess. But I do need to get that magazine – to follow His blueprint, to dream His dream, to make His joy mine – that I may be able to enjoy ANY season without a wavering joy or peace. I need to get the idea of what He has in store for me. The blind spots I cannot look beyond on is free for my imagination to play on.

Intro to 2015 significant words : daydream, stimulate your imagination, trust God.