Much as i loved the book by Paul Tripp : “Relationships : a mess worth making”, and much as i am eager to put it into loving action, i had a hanging question in the middle of my mission:


I usually do not have trouble getting into someone else’s messed up life. But i do have two three that I can remember of which scars are invisibly a mark of great lessons and questions.

When i was sharing the thoughts of the book to another friend, she pops the same question. At that time i did not have the answer because :

1.) I was in the part of the book where giving up was not mentioned
2.) I do not entirely want to know either because stopping and advicing people to stop pursuing would need to take a lot of considerations.

Now, i reviewed my  intention to be purposeful with maintaining and creating(if there is a chance) friendships. Then i realized how painful lot of holding back, patience, patching up back stories to explain how this person ended up behaving like this and that this project requires.

In my own brokenness, back story, social experiences, etcetera, i find myself a lot of times wanting to be cradled in the arms of God for comfort, affirmation and strength to keep on.

As such a cycle gets honestly a little draining, loving people from afar seems more comforting and practical. Detached so to speak.

But when do we say we have done enough? If pain and trauma have been mixed in ain’t time and space suppose to heal it?  No amount of words can be an antidote to that scene anymore. Just a thought.

So now i have the same question as my friend…
When do you raise a white flag?


2 thoughts on “Stop.Think.Talk.

  1. Great questions. The Boundaries book by Drs Townsend & Cloud have been a compass with their biblical advice on owning what’s yours and letting others carry what is theirs. Yikes, it’s hard when you’ve been raised to think that loving = helping. Sometimes it’s standing back, letting go. There is a lot of faith involved knowing others can function in this world without your direct help. We’re finding it particularly challenging with young adult kids. But we are practicing (mom can you do this or that? Not this time, why don’t you try…) and they are flying on their own, more and more.

    1. Thank, connectdd. I agree on this:
      “Sometimes it’s standing back, letting go”

      Its flowing in and out of my head lately .. this tough love thing… goes for any relationship but i think very essential in bringing up kids. Not everything they cry about is a valid turning point to give up discipline.

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