We Only Have Now

…. and we cannot be hundred per cent sure there is no more what ifs.

A friend passed away just last week. The weight of the loss did not sink in until the first visit. We are not entirely close but her presence was quiet but impactful.

I sat on the pews of our the church i grew up in a while ago. And for a moment i had this picture in my head that in few minutes i will be approached by her asking how my mom and dad are and if they already have seats. Then i shook my head. Laughed at my own mind’s playful comfort of “the usual”. The usherette. That was her. The welcomer. That was her too. But above all that, two things linger in my head : her care for my family (a very present right-hand of my mom in taking care of my youngest brother, the room i come home to when i was in college she took care of that) ; her care for God’s work (always available and i never heard that a task for God for her is ever burdensome).

It was an odd reunion. We, all who love her, got reunited in a rather mix of sadness and rejoicing. And she, leaving this earth to be reunited with her Master – her Creator – forever now praising and rejoicing in paradise.

Life. It is the swiftest thing there is. If we think time is fast, i think life is faster and with soft-padded paws, it escapes us without us knowing when. She died in her sleep.  Part of me is envious. She escaped earth without pain.

With life being the swiftest thing, i really wonder if our thank yous, i love yous and much hugs really ever get to the hearts of those we want to deliver it to on time?

I answered my own thought after i lingered on the question for a bit . I guess not. I think unless that time
.we will no longer hear their voice
….. we will no longer see them happy even from afar
… we will no longer hear stories about them
… we will no longer share in the joy of how God provided for them

….. when the great divide of the earthly life and the eternity becomes absolute (like in the case of those we know with life-threatening conditions) , we know no what ifs. We are perfect at taking people for granted – even the slightest, unthinkable, hairline-thick occurence.