Tape 2, Side B : Definitely Bullying

And so i joined in on the wagon watching 13 Reasons Why. It peaked my curiosity when it started becoming controversial. 

Suicide.

It has been a mystery to me how people can think of ending their own lives. But over time I have given it a crack to seep through my system that this world has such people. Thus says Zarathustra, right?

While I was watching tape 2, the episode clearly delivers how bullying – the non physical, violent type – plays on nowadays. Bullying was not ever alien or unfamiliar. I think a society without it would probably be a boring one. Wait. Please do not think I tolerate bullying in any form. I am totally against it. I am totally against not knowing when teasing gets overboard. 

We all get teased at some point and there are puns and jokes that snaps us off. You know how kids go from laughing and running around one minute and then in an instant someone starts screaming and the fight starts? I think it grows from that. I mean we all had that bout of the swift switch of pleasant becoming unpleasant in an instant. 

I do not take suicide lightly. Every time i hear one, i wonder where were this person’s friends? Not an accusation. Just a bewildered wondering of how come no one noticed. And then i got to think of the type of people who i know do or did suicides. 

We have the religious ones, the cultural ones, the philosophized, the tired, the bullied, the average.. and there are just no real common ground there. And I guess we would never really know. I don’t think the doers ever thought they even can hurt themselves.

I remember Littleton Colorado – the Columbine Massacre. I did a research on it way back. And I got reminded about it in 13 Reasons Why. Only, in 13 Reasons Why, Hannah did not use guns and trenchcoats  – she did tapes. Tapes that slowly messes up the psyche of anyone listening to it. 

I think the episode centers on the reality that bullying ruins a teenagers’ mental health, seeps through their emotions making them feel like trash. I heard people say that it is a reason too shallow. I think if it brings a person to decide to commit suicide, then i guess it is not shallow after all. If the person managed to bring up 13 Reasons Why they opted to kill themselves then I guess the person was keeping all these inside while trying to look normal and still be fighting whatever battle until 13 rounds later, life knocks them out.. or they knock life out of themselves. 

So look at the normal kid beside you that you plan on teasing or making fun of or spread a secret about. Before you add a drop of playful pain,  be cautious. Their response may not be your responsibility, but the first move is always yours. 

Choose the option of self-control. 

heart matter: be purposeful

“Gratitude for God’s loving pursuit will always lead us to pursue others— even when they don’t want to be pursued. Thankfulness for Christ’s willingness to enter our messy world will make us willing to enter someone else’s.” (Relationships : A Mess Worth Making)

I am in a great big tornado of emotional battle between my ego and my conscience.

i am at the pull AND PULL stage between self-preservation and servanthood.

I AM CLEARLY IN CHECK.

It is that time when God speaks to you through reads like “relationships: a mess worth making” and you always find yourself getting blessed and at the same time disciplined.

I am a thirty plus year old woman with such a fascination about friendships and i do find myself a lot of times engrossed in some of my close relations that it gets difficult to detach sometimes. i have an immense sensitivity on warmth changes within my relationships. Some hurt; some breezed by and i do pray that all would just drift by. A lot of times I feel i have been one-upped – like ive been taken for a fool or something that I wish I could have said the last hurtful words.

In the silent recesses of my own damaged relational physique i asked God to teach me His way of friendship. I understood John 15:13. It was a verse me and my church friends held on to – both as affection that we will be backing each other up and a reminder as well that we have that One friend who laid down His life for us. Seems ideal.

But God’s love was not enclosed only in the boundaries of but one spiritual community.The thought brings me back to 12 chapters back : John 3:16.

His love is so humanly undoable. His capacity to tolerate our mess is simply amazing.  Aside from dreaming, God has been impressing on me this : be purposeful in friendship… be purposeful in pursuing relationships.For an introvert such as I, this requires much of a comfort zone thinner.

I am not a friendless person. Matter of fact I am the type of person who can easily get along with anyone effortlessly but I do have pet peeves that i am discovering lately. And in just the opposite ideal situation I effortlessly can push people away without a word.  I have an affinity measure with a capacity of only few close friends I can totally feel comfortable with. When i know and feel a close friend shift gears i feel betrayal or neglect.

I can smell  autumn long before summer ends.

and for some reason, I got to go back to Christ’s 12. In his days, he hung out with people and sometimes with the “wrong crowd” but He has the twelve whom He stuck close to. Each has their own motives re aligned, some thought they never would betray him but they did. Yet He stood by them even though these things He was able to smell ten thousands of summers ago. Before the ultimate betrayal that he knew would come and should He knew His disciples do not hundred percent understood. His ways are odd and His words are devastingly dramatic

But His love is greatly unimaginable. i reviewed the scenario of before the betrayal. i wanted to know if he felt what i felt. I was enlightened slash overwhelmed with my mouth gaping open.  in this scenario…

Jesus washed even the feet of Judas.

I can think of a lot of things to do to my own Judases.. or Peter…. but the thought of washing their feet is a back burner. But evidently, God’s grace … and His term of love… PURSUES, TOLERATES, ACCEPTS..

…it is patient..

and lastly it STAYS quietly and lets humanity take its course.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33