I never thought i would really try. But my curiosity with a load full of frustration and anger prodded me to think that the plan was a good idea. After crying my eyes out and screaming inside my car to let off some steam and just pour out my heart to Jesus, I decided I cannot come home yet because it’s too early. I wanted a bit of peace. I wanted a bit of a chill out. The beauty of living in the google-era, I got to know which places I may want to hangout. I am longing for a little cove. A hideout. In case I needed a place to recuperate and get my head straight. I am hoping for a high place overlooking the city or whichever field . But I doubt I will get that that night. My heart settled for one of the music bars I’ve been trying to find someone to tag along.
After the belt out in the car and my eyes a bit puffed, I asked God to get me to do something that will make me smile and calm down. Or simply get busy. What a better way to start what I just read that morning which suggests that there is gold in people watching, eavesdropping, etcetera.
I was sure I wanted music. I wanted less crowd. Except that I was by myself. But so what, right? So I went.
It was a hump day. Not even a pay out day so I was sure it would be less crowded and I was right. No door charge. Finding a seat was not hard because one of the waitresses approached me and asked if i wanted a seat. I told her it is for one and I want to be seated in a discreet place – where the chances of me being spotted all by myself in such a setting by someone I know is very slim. She placed me on the side. I ordered a bar chow of cheese sticks and strawberry mojito. I was just there to chill. The place is dim which is perfect in case another tear rolls down my cheeks.
A band was setting up on the stage. I did not check who is performing that night and I have conditioned myself to accept that it coud be somee indie band. But no it was not! it was a famous local band.- Side A. I was stoked!
I liked the songs they sang. I enjoyed the night that way. I was thankful for the non-obligated chitchat even for strangers. I was barely even looking around. I was checking my phone and playing something that I am recently hooked on. It was relaxing…
S0 I learned that that bar I was in was owned by two local musicians and ten other. I learned they do not serve smaller dishes for a smaller, intimate group of “just me”.
I tried to people watch. I can barely eavesdrop as i was not able to hear any whisper from the other table.
The whole activity made me smile.
On my way home after watching the much-awaited MOCKING JAY, I had one thought bothering me : What is with Bella (the girl from Twilight) and Katniss playing with two loves? It’s amusing and annoying at the same time.
I was annoyed that they seem to be promoting that it’s ok to be “committed” and still be considering other guys. It’s so…. making sure you have a spare tire. It’s never fair for either one. In all angles and regardless of the guilty gender, it is simply painful. BUT it’s current reality I guess then?
Who else felt that way? Was it just me?
Communication has been a curiosity to me lately.We think that “language barrier” means not being able to understand what the other person is saying because they are using their native language which is not your native language.
When I started taking up French classes and told my friends about it, one friend commented that he hated computer programming when we were in college because he does not adapt well to learning new languages. Connecting French and Computer language may seem funny at that time but he explained that most of the time, we blame logic but really it is language barrier that makes us misunderstand things.
And the thought made me realize the same is true even if we are using the same language. This happens even in our everyday work. Business-wise we use English so everyone will be able to understand but somehow middle of the project we realize that although we do use the same language it seems that misunderstanding will still occur.
And this personal project that I am up to made me laugh. For something so simple as a rolling pin, I found it really hard to draw the rolling pin used for baking so I thought what else could a rolling pin look like…?
I did not do any better justice to the thing but it did make me laugh.. i came up with this:
When you’re both guilty of something doneYet neither is sorry
It is quite a queer moment
When one gropes in the dark
And another is enlightened
There is a sweet delight in being blind.
There is misery when eyes are opened.
There is peace in the loud laughters of night
But endless screams of pain when brought to light
Light passes thru eternity
Dark lingers for the time being
Sooner or later one or the other will prevail
And somehow, in slow motion, my palms flew to my face and my head shook ever so slowly from side to side…..
…and then deep sigh……
When friends abandoned him, Paul asked God not to count their actions against them (4:16). He followed the example of Jesus, who prayed for the Father to forgive His persecutors. What’s your response when friends let you down? Forgiveness is the choice that pleases God every time.
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference. ”
– Robert Frost
And this Frost poem I know is famous. The last line though caused me a bothersome thought:
Or when can you say that you have took the road less travelled?
What are these roads that fork that I need to choose which path to tread on?
It was an observation and an on-going thesis statement : the world will always try to escape facing relevant issues by indulging what appeals to the senses as “happy”.
It goes from big scale – worldwide.
; to small scale – everyday relationship with colleagues.
And the more that it goes on making us “happier”, the stronger the conviction that facing relevant issues should not be an option.
It builds a bandwagon. Sooner or later a culture.
What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Ok. So maybe there is this one thing that I have to go down on my knees for to really ask God for direction for.
In cruising to figuring out how to deal with platonic relationships, I guess i have that man on the cross to look up to. The man who was in pain, on the cross, shamed and abandoned by His everyday companions (yes, technically the term is “friends” .. but somehow my senses cannot put the term “friends” and “abandon” in one sentence) and yet see through the flaws of the fallen world in the eyes of grace and say,
“Forgive them Father for they do not know what they are doing”…
Could it be? Could it really be that the people you relate to do not actually know what their actions imply? And when their words portray a different lie? Do they not know how confusing their terms and conditions are?
Oh i pray that my eyes will see in the same spectrum of grace – that i may still love,care and be compassionate until He takes me home.
I tap on that privilege in this relationship with my God that i CAN come to Him with all the shattered pieces of what I know, so He can tell me what He has in mind.